Mong tut!

Whilst strolling around Nairn on Sunday I felt some hunger pangs. Deciding on a roll of some kind (bacon, sausage, egg) I headed towards the tearoom at the west end of the beach (near the cricket pitch if you need a landmark)
As I neared the tearoom I heard a very loud voice shouting “WATCH OUT, A DOG! LOOK OUT, IT’S A DOG!” There was a certain panic to the voice.
Locating the shouter I found that he was a mong with short blond hair, maybe early twenties. He was with a group of normal maybe even cool people (sunglass, smart clothes, various ages). No-one paid any notice to him and anyway I couldn’t see a dog.

Now to the ordering:
You can go into the tearoom for a sit down or you can order at one of the takeaway windows. One window is big and caters for ice cream and sweeties. The food window is small, when you stand at the window you are taking up the whole available space.
There was a guy getting served and a woman behind him. I joined the queue behind the woman. She moved about a bit. Look woman are you in the queue or not? She wasn’t. After shuffling about behind her several times she went and sat on a bench, I joined the queue behind the fellow and used this useful queuing time to peruse the menu. Deciding upon a sausage roll I pondered how to ask for this. Should I ask for a sausage roll and risk getting a pastry sausage roll, or ask for a sausage on a roll which sounded a bit more laaa deee daaa.
A sausage roll please, I risked it, I risked saying “sausage roll”….The girl took my order without question. Taking my monies she mumbled something about a number and she would call me when it was ready. I walked away. She called me back, handing me a little numbered ticket I was eyed like a buffoon.

I sat on picnic bench and waited clutching the little bit of paper with 84 on it.

“Eighty One!” I double checked my ticket, it said 84. A lady came forward and started picking up roll on a paper plate with a napkin on top. There was a discussion and she had to leave without the food. She arrived back a minute later with her little ticket as proof that she was indeed number 81. However someone had started placing an order. As the window was so small she had to reach round and get her order. I knew this would happen to me. An instant later I knew who I would be meeting at the window. The dog alert mong appeared in the queue, speaking loudly. A teenage girl who was with the mongs group shooshed him, good on her.

“Eighty Three?” I looked at my ticket again…it wasn’t 83. Eighty three shuffled forward, what happened to eighy two? 83 had a big order ; various teas and rolls and had to make various journeys back and fore to the little window. Someone was ordering at the same time and there was a bit of reaching round to pour milk into teas and squirt sauce onto rolls. Why didn’t they use the big icecream window for food and the wee window for icecream?

“Eighty Five?” I checked my ticket again. It was still 84.
The blond haired mong was now at the front of the ordering queue and I knew I would be called soon. He was stood with his back to me and I observed the back of his head, he had the typical rear hairline halfway up his head. However below this I observed with disgust: a line of scabs and boils.

Eighty Four? Oh god, with this lovely image I made my way forward, luckily blonde mong stood back. I squirted some sauce on my roll. It was difficult to reach the sauce. I asked the girl for a napkin but she never heard….why didn’t I get one? Everyone else did. I grabbed myself a napkin and sat at an empty picnic bench. It wasn’t paper plates as I’d thought but polystyrene ones. Upon lifting the roll the plate shot away in the breeze, today however I was Mr Myagi from the Karate Kid and trapped the plate between the table and my palm with a slap. But now I had to awkwardly hold the plate and eat the sausage roll with one hand. Quite difficult with two sausages and sauce squishing around.

All in all a worthy dining experience for the blog and would be excellent to visit with Plum Tomato and Toastboy.