WD40

A beauteous summer’s morning buoyed the spirits. Toast was once again absent so the ducks of the River Ness could mellow out. Tomato was once again befuddled, so much so that he forgot all about the “I’ll go in the back” routine. However he did come good by doing an impression of Eugene from Big Brother’s ratty face, which was so funny I almost crashed the car.

Arriving at the boot I tried to squeeze into a gap that was about ¾ the width of the car. Tomato spotted a more suitable, space further down. I headed for it and decided to reverse in. I hooked my hand behind the passengers’ seat head rest in traditional reversing fashion. It was loose. I gave it another test shove, it was definitely insecure. This was a bit worrying. It didn’t feel quite right either. I had a few test feels then a couple of squeezes (as one might test the ripeness of a melon). Deciding on a visual check I spotted the complication straight away, I had Tomatoes noggin in my hand. The strange thing was that he never said a word. When I looked round he was frowning and looking goofy with my hand clamped on to his head.

This incident of course caused much hilarity. We were laughing uncontrollably when we reached the stalls. I tried to stick with Tomato as I didn’t want to be left giggling on my own. He took off like a rocket not to be seen again for half an hour. I managed to control myself and kept a poker face. About 20 minutes later I was standing next to Ginger Nut (whom Toast admires greatly). The incident popped back into my head and I snorted out a laugh which I managed to cover up by blowing my nose and sniffing a lot.

Whilst wandering past a stall a gentleman leant right over his table to intercept me, he had a black square object in his hand “alarm clock to wake you up early?” I dismissed his crazy attempt at a sale with “No thanks, I’m already awake”.

The journey to the breakfast passed with discussions about 3 in One oil and WD40. Tomato posed the question “Do you know why it’s called WD40?” I pondered this for a while however soon became sidetracked.

There was a very small queue at the breakfast but we were alarmed to notice a rough looking chap serving. He had a large moustache and was generally unshaven/unkempt. I thought he may have been Russian and looked like he had previous food serving experience working in the canteen of a Gulag. I went for the traditional breakfast pointing out that I didn’t want a plum tomato. He acknowledged this and scooped mushrooms onto my plate. “AIEEEE!”. He noticed my shriek and asked if I wanted scrambled egg, I was horrified “no!”, then he was out of the traps and flying, “hash browns?” “yes” “fried bread?” “yes” “potato scone?” “yes” “toast?” “yes”. Tomato went through a similar ordeal. About a second later we sat down, blinking at each other. “Have we sat down already? “That was quick! …..no wonder there isn’t a queue”. Tomato also had mushrooms and looked dismayed. Somehow, I had once again got 9 items, hurrah! Tomato counted his several times but he only had 8, he then looked disgusted as he noticed the grey pool of water created by his mushrooms. I prodded about on my plate but had no mushroom water, hurrah! Tomato looked at my plate longingly. I commented that it would be great if Toast were here for this experience. A pitiful looking Tomato observed his plate forlornly and sulked “I am Toast today”. He mopped up the mushroom water with a napkin.
The earlier WD40 question popped into my head and I head some guesses as to what it stood for:
Milk: William Donald 40?
Tomato: No
Milk: Was it first made in 1940?
Tomato: Nope.
Milk: Work…worker’s….works something?
Tomato: Aha!....nope
Milk: Weakens something?
Tomato: (Looking furtive and covering his mouth with his hand as if telling a secret) Muttermutteroob!
Milk: (Leaning in) eh?
Tomato: I just saw a boob!
Milk: What, the fell shebang? Where?

Tomato gestured to someone whose boob you wouldn’t want to see. We did agree however that Toast would definitely have been delighted to espy it.

* WD-40 literally stands for Water Displacement, 40th attempt. That's the name straight out of the lab book used by the chemist who developed WD-40 back in 1953. The chemist, Norm Larsen, was attempting to concoct a formula to prevent corrosion—a task which is done by displacing water. Norm's persistence paid off when he perfected the formula on his 40th try.
*3-IN-ONE was developed in 1894 for use on bicycles. The inventor, George Cole, was hoping to create a product which would lubricate, clean and prevent rust. Those three functions in one product led to the name.
http://www.wd40.com