May MFR car boot.

Moray Firth Radio Charity Carboot.

My car's power steering pump finally gave up and it looked like we would miss the MFR car boot. Luckily tomato had a fine four fendered friend stored in his garage and the day was saved. Toast Boy was not present.

Whilst travelling to the boot a worrying knocking noise came from the floor area beside my foot, tomato calmed me with the following statement “it’s just the speaker in the door…… or maybe the wheel”. Against all the odds we arrived safely and joined a large queue of traffic that for some strange reason and we never found out why, was on the wrong side of the road, even though the correct side of the road was clear.

I felt slightly agitated as we set off on foot, there were many more vehicles in the car park than usual. Bloody people were spoiling the boot already. I came out of the gurn (I’ve seen that spelled “girn” but I don’t like that) fairly quickly, it was a nice day and there was some good stuff on the tables.

My mood was soon to darken. Leafing through a large box of records I found Jean Michel Jarre live in China, double album. Probably not the greatest album but there might have been some good Wikkity Wikkity sounds on it to scr-scr-scr scratch.
Milk: How much for this record?
Crazy Lady: £1.50
Milk: Will you take a pound, the cover’s ripped?
Crazy Lady: Go on then, you’re a chancer.
Milk: (laugh)
Crazy Lady: (nastily) You people have always find some reason to get the price down.
Milk: (bleating in surprise) It’s a carboot!
Crazy Lady: I’ve got to put bread on my table, I’m not giving stuff away etc……
Milk edges slowly out of scene.
There was a lot more disgruntled muttering from her. I didn’t really notice the next 10 “stalls” as I was a bit thrown. I was pondering whether I should go back, demand the return of my pound and throw the record at her. Of course I didn’t. Another box of records came into view. “How much for your records?” “50p” that was more like it. Feeling much better I bored the poor stallholder with the whole dull story of my adventures with the crazy lady.

The only thing that marred the next few rows of cars was a strong smell of shit. I became a touch paranoid, convinced I had stood in it then smeared it all over the back of my trousers while crouching at boxes of records. It wasn’t the smell of farmyard dung but either dog, or worse, human keech. It seemed unlikely that the whole place would be smelling of it so I concluded that I was dragging the smell around.. A quick check revealed nothing. Phew. This was confirmed later by tomato who experienced the same thing. Double phew.

I saw a great thing. There was a big circle of ash where a bonfire had been. A boy, who looked like he was old enough to know better, was lying in it and “swimming”. I was greatly amused. A horrified onlooker hauled him out by one arm. The lady was asking where his mother was but he was standing in a cloud of dust, smiling into the middle distance and saying nothing. I think he may have been simple.

I went back to the car for breakfast. Tomato was already there, standing at the rear with the boot open and had a strange man talking to him. The man, who was indeed a stranger (from the North of England but visiting people in Thurso) was amazed at such an old car being in good condition. Tomato was very proud of this. My suggestion that it was maybe a hint to buy a new car had Tomato clutching his wallet in fear.

Tomato had rather thoughtfully brought tea with him. The tea making area was housed in what appeared to be a cat litter tray in the boot of the car. The tea bag was fished from the cup with a car key! (see below picture). However the tea was most welcome. I had jam sandwiches and tomato had egg “would you like an egg sandwich?”, “would you like a jam one?” we eyed each others sandwiches with suspicion and politely declined.

I went back to buy a strange picture. It was quite old and faded but had some odd 3d effect and appeared to be of Jesus and some other people standing at varying depths of vision, in a field. However when I went returned another discerning art lover must have beat me to it.

Crazy price of the day. Someone spotted I had bought some records and dragged out a Technics record bag with some vinyl in it. There was a Jah Rule album. How much? “Ooooh…err. that one’s hardly been played…..£10”, oh right…how much do you want for the bag? “ooooh ……er……£10”....... IT’S A CAR BOOOOOOT!!!!!