American Splendor

I picked up Toast. Two miles later an argument nearly broke out.
Toast: Have you heard of the film American Splendor.?
Milk: No
Toast: There was this comic called American Sple…
Milk: (Butting in) … oh yeah the comic strip drawn by Robert Crumb.
Toast: The films not about Robert Crumb!
Milk: I know, I was just saying…
Toast: ….I’M TELLING YOU ABOUT IT, YOU DON’T TELL ME!
Milk: I was just showing that I had heard of the film
Toast: YOU’VE SPOILED IT NOW!....SPOILED IT, SPOILED IT, SPOILED IT.

On arriving at Tomato’s house his befuddled, half asleep face appeared at the window, he still had his nightgown and Wee Willie Winkie hat on. Knowing of my short patience levels he made a Herculean effort and was in the back of the car within 11 seconds. This time there was only a nod and a wink to the “I’ll go in the back” routine.

Toast (talking about a serial killer...possibly Arthur Fish): “He hit his brother on the head with a shovel but didn’t kill him. When his brother later asked him what he would have done if he had killed him the reply was… I’d have put you in the bath, cut off your head and limbs and dissolved you with acid”
Tomato: “Ahh, he was trying to make it look like an accident”
However Tomato had spoiled Toasts punch line about the potential killer not using a strong acid as he wouldn’t want to ruin the plumbing.
Toast: YOU’VE SPOILED IT NOW!....SPOILED IT, SPOILED IT, SPOILED IT.

In an incident laden journey I managed to greatly amuse Tomato and at the same time embarrass myself with a comment about the new underpass at North Kessock. I’m sure Tomato will recount the whole gaff.
In my defence all I can say is the work took place in a different area than I expected it to.

The car boot was incident free. The sun brought out a lot of sellers. Unfortunately they had brought a pile of junk with them. Tomato and I retired to the vehicle to wait for Toast who was off taking photo’s of ducks, again. Does he have a duck fetish? While awaiting the return of the wildlife photographer we witnessed a people carrier being parked very erratically. The goofy looking driver flew out of the vehicle before it had even stopped and did a strange comedy run towards the car boot, suddenly changing to a nonchalant stroll as he exited frame. At this exact point Toast returned and looked like he thought we were laughing at him. Toast explained that a lady was feeding the ducks and he was taking photos of them….there was a bit too much explaining which led me to believe that he had taken photos of the lady. I shall monitor the voyeur/duck forums for new uploads.

The whole journey from the car boot to the breakfast was taken up with Toast’s tirade against the Tesco Café, from the disappointment of last weeks breakfast (3 manky hash browns) to his master plan for choosing items this time. I am sure that he will explain all in his blog.

Myself and Toast were in the queue with two old time booters. We had a rare time complaining about how rubbish the boot is now and how programs like carboot challenge had spoiled it. We were informed that people were only allowed by law to do 2 boots a year. Any more than that and they were classed as a trader. Veeeery interestink. I told the lady about my run in with the Crazy Woman at the Moray Firth boot who said that I was taking bread off her table when I haggled her down by a pound for a Jean Michel Jarre album, she made the appropriate noises of outrage.
I believe the full compliment of items was on display for the breakfast and the two girls behind the counter seemed competent. I got my breakfast in quick time and zoomed off to the tea making facility only to whiz back and get Tomato’ breakfast, once again I had forgotten but managed to place the blame on Toast. I also forgot to pick up “pats” of butter and had to go back for them. However I did come up with a great invention. As I watched Toast plough up his toast by trying to spread still chilled butter on to it I had a brainwave. I placed my “pat” of butter atop my teapot. Seconds later it was spreading perfectly. I was very pleased with myself. I didn’t receive the acclaim which I so richly deserved from Toast and Tomato. Lets see if my two companions adopt my technique next week.

Toast was delighted. He had procured three meat items and two slices of toast along with the usual items (no hash browns though) and got charged only for a “Traditional”. Much working out (Two slices of toast for 50p, each item 39p) eventually found this to be indeed a bargain. Will this become the norm for breakfasts? Will I dare adopt this cunning scheme next week…will Toast?